As far back as I can remember, in any subject, I always wanted to spend time with people who knew more than me or had more experience or authority in that area.

Consider me as B, a person who knows a moderate amount. Someone who knows more than me is A, and someone who knows less is C.

This approach always helped me progress in any subject, except social relationships. There, I realized that this method, at least in its extreme form, doesn’t work anymore. In other words, I hadn’t developed the skill to understand what factors A cares about and what benefits or harm my presence as B brings to A. Which behaviors I should reconsider and which ones I should reinforce.

It’s easy to guess that this problem arose from ignoring C. I never put myself in A’s position to learn the dos and don’ts that B should follow. Constantly looking up from below prevented me from learning how to behave when looking down from above, and naturally, the behaviors and expectations of A were incomprehensible to me.

It makes sense. If you don’t share what you have, how can you expect others to share what they have with you? If you don’t spend time with C to understand which of their behaviors are bothersome and which you’d like to see changed, how can you avoid exhibiting those same bothersome behaviors as B in front of A?

In short, maintaining a relationship from A to B requires creating and maintaining a relationship from B to C. The same principle applies to community sustainability. If you want a place where you can gain something, you also need to be a member of that place, contributing to others while learning for yourself.