Yesterday evening, I decided to make my final efforts before completely sinking into depression and try to shift my mood a bit. Of the three problems I faced, I left one to fate, forgot the second, and dealt with the third and main one by letting it go. My mood isn’t perfect, but it’s much better than yesterday.

Today, I went to the weekly fruit and vegetable market and did some shopping. I also bought a fish, cleaned it with the help of tutorial videos, cooked it in my own improvised style, and served it alongside Kashar cheese to my stomach. The result was satisfying. Beyond the good taste, it cleared my mind and worries, much like this post, and left me feeling better. Before that, I walked near my home, around the park and fountain, and the warm spring sun lifted me into good memories, improving my mood further.

Yesterday, Sasan, who had accompanied me to Ankara during my trip to Tabriz and January 7, 2019, decided to return. We went to the terminal together, and he headed to Istanbul to catch a flight to Tabriz. I walked home from the terminal, reflecting on everything. Sparks of outcomes, decisions, and changes have been ignited in me and will likely soon turn into actions.

After nearly three months, I’m living alone again, feeling neutral about it. On one hand, I have more freedom and control, but on the other, I have to cope with the absence of a regular companion.

Less than four days remain until Nowruz, and I’m certain there’s no chance of going to Tabriz to be with my family at least during the upcoming days. Nowruz in Turkey has no real meaning, with no springtime feeling, holiday shopping, house cleaning, or anything like that. Everything continues as usual. I hope to find company in the remaining days so I’m not alone at the moment of the New Year.

From the wave of your intoxicated eyes, I’ll catch my wandering heart,
for I myself will drown in this sea of enchantment.